Earlier today Stan was laughing about how someone found us by a search for Best Paparazzi Pussy Car. And, even uptight Katie finds that funny. And, I notice that lots of people find us by searching for Celebrity Name __________ (followed by nude, naked, sex tape, etc.) And, that’s great! Believe me I am not complaining! I’m happy that our extremely high-quality website is getting rewarded as it should! Google Gods keep on smiling upon Celebrity Satan because, honestly, we deserve it… there’s a ton of celebrity crap sites out there that are just trying to make a quick dollar… but if you look around Celebrity Satan you’ll see that A HUGE AMOUNT OF TIME went into the writings, pictures, collages, analysis, site design, concept, etc.

However, there are a few pages that I’d like to see get a bit more attention…simply because, the truth is, they’re extremely original, well written, and educational. I wrote these pages myself, and I put in probably over a hundred hours of research. So, what pages am I talking about?

History of Hollywood part 1: on this page you’ll find scathing analysis of Hollywood’s very beginnings, covering Cahuenga Valley, Hollywood Indians, Chumash, Griffith Park, etc.

History of Hollywood part 2: Here I cover Spain meets California, California joining the union, Harvey and Daeida Wilcox, etc.

History of Hollywood part 3: analysis of early religion in the region, early Hollywood capitalist figures, Krotona Colony, Thomas Edison, and the birth of celebrity.

History of Hollywood part 4: Discussion of Carl Laemmle And Universal Film, Charlie Chaplin, D.W. Griffith, United Artists, The Four Brothers Warner, Paramount, expansion, World War II, cold war, modernization, and analysis.

I thought it was important to set up the site in this way, because I felt (and still believe) that historical analysis was necessary for a contextual background while providing contemporary critique of nip slips, celebrity sex tapes, and the deleterious beauty aesthetic promulgated by such things as the idealized Hollywood ass. But, like I’m saying…these things are best understood while considering the history of southern California. And, my general thesis concerns the relationship between contemporary issues of eating disorders, body dysmorphia, and certain aspects of OCD.

Many don’t understand that these things are actually manifestations of mental illness, and it’s important to consider their complete ontology. So, this site started like six years ago, and I felt like it would be good to put forth a refreshed type of mission statement. You may notice that it’s not much different from the original intent. Those who have been with us since the beginning… through the ups and downs… and there are a lot of you!!! I just want to extend a sincere thank you! Here’s to six more years of Celebrity Satan.

Yours truly,
Katie

by Stan

You see the title of this post? That’s exactly a term that lead someone to this site. Skippy showed me that today. He’s interested in that sort of thing…

And, here’s what Stan da man is wondering… what exactly does the search best paparazzi pussy car mean? Maybe one of you jerks can help me in the comments. Like is the lil dweeb who’s searching for best paparazzi pussy car trying to become a paparazzi scum and considering what type of car is going to score him some celeb pootanannie? That would be pretty stupid reasoning.

I’m thinking maybe an old VW bug… either that or an old school huge ass Toyota. Roll past Lindsay in that ride and you know her panties (if she’s got any on) are going to come flying through your open window to land on your hard on like a pink flag. Um… yea.

You all are familiar with Oscar The Golden Boy de la Hoya. I used to think he was one cutie pie of a brute, but now I’m wondering if he’s just an aging barbarian man! It appears Angelica Cecora claims that Oscar got a bit fresh with her recently in some overpriced, motel room

… and by fresh I mean drugs, revolting sexual wishes, and poor innocent lil Angelica in fear that her life would end at age 25. Angelica–a former Playboy whore–claims that Oscar banged her twat and then donned her pink panties while proceeding to prance like a tranny around that overpriced Ritz Carlton room. Then she says the Panty Boy grabbed his celly and ordered $300 of coke and weed.

And, that’s where I find the first flaw with the story. Oscar has got millions of dollars. $300 of coke doesn’t go very far. If Oscar were going to order some coke and weed, he would have ordered at least $3000. On that point, the Playboy whore’s tale should be challenged by Oscar’s overpriced lawyer scum.

by LaTosha

Look ya’ll… I don’t want to be mean… I really don’t want to be mean. So, Demi Moore just went into the hospital. She collapsed from “exhaustion” is official word. But, unofficial word using common sense is that she’s anorexic, and the American fantasy in her mind caused her demise.

What am I talking about? Well, you got to accept your age and reality. And, white girl’s old. Damn old. And, she wanted to have a romance with toyboy Ashton no talent Cushion. And, that’s the problem. It’s the fantasy that end up with people in the hospital. You guys understand what I’m saying? The fantasy ends in a hospital seizure. No more Love Lace movie. They say substance abuse problems for Demi. But why? It increases the fantasy and escapes you from the fantasy that went wrong.

See, she got 3 kids. And, she old. And, she old and heartbroken because her too young husband down in Brazil pluking pussy that his age or younger. She heartbroken. But, what did ole skinny legs Demi expect? I mean just look at the picture of her skinny legs to the left. She marry a guy who like 18 years younger than she is! You know that ain’t going to work out right. It’s the fantasy that ends in a seizure. That got to end with skinny legs. I think Dr. Phil need to get involved and talk sense to Demi about accepting her ancient age.

Above look at the picture of what’s gotta be about two 50 year old legs suffering from ravages of a mental disorder known as anorexia. Look, I speculating. It makes me really sad to see those pipe cleaner legs of such considerable age. I wonder what Bruce Willis be thinking when looking at the picture of those skinny legs.

by Katie Witherspoon

Katie here, and I’m drunk, and I don’t give a fuck! I don’t care about my book or teaching career or fuck! Heidi Klum is a twat who got famous who became a famous model because she’s got a boring blond head and skinny white face and skinny hollywood ass and she can walk on the catwalk like a zombie who jammed a crystal meth donut in her piehole of a blond mouth, and the world goes nutso for her because she completely fits the asinine American hegemonic beauty ideal of a skinny blond white face blond hair cunt. And, because of Heidi and her kind a generation of American girls now have eating disorders. Thanks Heidi! You’re the best! You broke up with Seal. Who gives a fuck? So now you got four kids who need guidance… who need guidance concerning their ambiguous racial identity… kids WHO NEED HELP! and two selfish motherfuckers have to only think about themselves! Fuck you Heidi and fuck you Seal!

by Skippy

Skippy da big dick man here! I ain’t gonna let Stan be the only one who can act macho. And, yea, Skippy’s drunk. If black girl LaTosha can always use first person… so can Skippy bitches!! And, if Katie can yell about being called Dr. Witherspoon and stay drunk all the time... so can Skippy. Shit, everybody who writes for this site is some drunk or totally cracked or both! And, Stan, you ain’t the only one who can act mean and macho… just check yo’self white boy!

Cameron Diaz… you may remember her from such things as There’s Something About Mary and various boring toothpaste commercials. Well, white girl used to be a hottie tottie, and ya’ll know she launched a million masturbation fantasies, and ya’ll know you be laughing yo fat asses off when she had the jism gunk making her hair stand straight up… but, yea… she was a good looking white girl and may I respectfully place emphasis on.. um… WAS…

Yes, check out the panty collage that we posted years ago… that’s right newcomers… Celebrity Satan has been on the web A LONG FUCKING TIME! AND, we better start getting the fucking respect we deserve!

But time be a vicious hobo in da alley who just hiding behind a trash can and waiting to snatch your fine wine and bullshit movie statues out ya hand as you walk by.

Continue reading “There’s Something Scary About Mary” »

Ya’ll know that I do my share of dabbling when it come to da politics. I was one of the biggest supporters of President Obama! Now, here the thing. Katie’s on another bender, and every time I try to say something she mainly yells, “It’s Dr. Witherspoon to you black girl!” Katie is really quite lucky that I like her! She and I can joke in that sort of way… ya’ll know I call her white girl all the time… sometimes white bitch, but I say it with love!

Continue reading “LaTosha Kick Da Politic” »

by Stan Hammer

Katie is talking about if Seth Rogen’s erection comment amounts to sexual harassment. And, Katie, like usual, is taking things way too seriously and blowing everything way the fuck out of proportion. What’s really funny is that Katie suggested I use the word ponder.

Continue reading “Stan Ponders Katie’s Seth Rogen Analysis” »