It’s being described as The Carrie Underwood Incident, and, I must make a somewhat embarrassing confession: I’m way into American Idol, and, actually, I’ve never missed as episode. Okay, give me a second to run off and find a little sand to bury my head in … on second thought, the only sand available is the litter box, and, you know, my cat may have some objections …

So, the other night was the 40th Annual Country Music Association Awards. Ms. Carrie Underwood scored in a rather significant way: both the Horizon Award and Best Female Vocalist Of The Year. Now, I’ve gotta tell you that I’ve never been very impressed with Underwood. Sure, she seems like a very nice person, etc., but…

To me, she had the talent to master the mechanics, but, that spark seemed to always be missing… except, perhaps, when she ripped through Heart’s Alone … and, why would that be … well, such a saccharine and disgustingly quixotic tune, why, of course Underwood was really feeling it … I am not meaning to seem nasty … I think that’s the explanation for why her performance of that tune so felicitously resonated.

I mean, behold Heart’s Alone:

I hear the ticking of the clock
I’m lying here, the room’s pitch dark
I wonder where you are tonight
No answer on the telephone
And the night goes by so very slow
Oh I hope that it won’t end though
Alone

Til now I always got by on my own
I never really cared until I met you
And now it chills me to the bone
How do I get you alone
How do I get you alone

You don’t know how long i have wanted
to touch your lips and hold you tight
You don’t know how long I have waited
and I was going to tell you tonight
But the secret is still my own
and my love for you is still unknown
Alone

Okay, now do you see what I mean? Do you understand why those lyrics are so thoroughly modern? Do you understand why I put modern in italics : ) ? The italics are to display a certain contempt for the concept: the self-indulgent, falsely emotional drivel that is driving me fucking nuts!

Okay, suffice to say Underwood just doesn’t do it for me… not enough soul for me. I’ve struggled with eating disorders and alcoholism and addictions and grief. I’m not asking anybody to get out a violin. Fuck that. But, what I’m suggesting is that for me I need to sense that an artist has been there. The only places Underwood seems to have been are the farm and the beauty salon.

Okay, I’m getting a little worked up again. That’s been happening lately. I think I’m still upset about the Ana Reston story. Let’s take a break for a second and watch Heart performing Alone. That will also give some further needed context.

Okay, so do you feel what I mean by quixotic self-indulgence? And, I have to admit that, despite myself, I do sort of like the song. Okay, I like it a lot! See, that’s exactly how you can get twisted in this society. You can know in your brain and still have your heart touched by the pathological romanticism! Which only proves what most of us already know: the emotions defeat the intellect virtually every time… and, if you doubt that, reference all the daily murders… in particular, the so-called crimes of passion.

Okay, so, at the Country Music Association Awards Carrie won some top honors. Fine and dandy. A lot of people like her. So it goes… actually, no, so it does not go. Not with Faith Hill. Watch the video:

Now, that’s a pretty heavy dose of reality for prime time viewing, and, immediately the wolves were scratching at Faith’s door for such a humanly spontaneous show of genuine emotion.

Our society, though, for the most part, doesn’t like genuine emotion. Particularly if it seems to highlight an unpleasant aspect of human nature. Thus, Faith’s management went into spin mode, releasing this statement:

I’ve worked with Faith for many years now and the idea that she would ever insult or undermine another artist, let alone another human being’s success, is absolutely preposterous. Those who know her know that she’s incapable of such actions. She was being playful while the nominations were being read and playful after.

Now, friends, I don’t think any of us were born yesterday, and, I may be a lot of things, but, mentally retarded is not one of them. If that was Faith being playful, it frightens the absolute hell out of me to see her upset.

Faith, of course, given our societal context briefly touched upon above, had to release the following statement:

The idea that I would act disrespectful towards a fellow musician is unimaginable to me. For this to become a focus of attention, given the talent gathered, is utterly ridiculous. Carrie is a talented and deserving female vocalist of the year.

And, I think Faith is right. She didn’t act disrespectful to Carrie. It’s not disrespectful to show a spontaneous reaction that shows you think you were robbed of what you deserve (which is what happened to Faith that night.) It’s not disrespectful at all. What it is is human. And, that’s what Faith’s statement should have said:

I’m human. Kiss off.

Faith was born in 1967, and, she didn’t have anything handed to her. She worked as a secretary while trying to make it in Nashville and traveled around with a gospel group down south. In other words, she paid her dues, and, that emotion comes across in her music…. at least to me it does! Underwood got scooped up by American Idol probably before she had her first real orgasm (though, the orgasm part is purely speculative.) Whether wrong or right, she didn’t pay much in the way of dues… and, that’s fine… those are the breaks… but, when you hear Underwood singing, doesn’t it sound like a little something is missing. A lot of folks in the online world caught on to this right away and dubbed her Farmbot, which, I think is sort of hilarious!

So, you know, if Faith showed a little human outrage about this early twenty-something robot taking top awards, can we feel a little empathy and compassion? Besides, Faith, you are so much damn sexier than her anyway! And, we all know, when you get down to it… that’s what really matters!
Important ideas, concepts, and terms in this post:Faith Hill, Carrie Underwood, farmbot, emotion, human emotion, sympathy, compassion, music, country music, 40th Annual Country Music Association Awards, American Idol

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