Well, you can pretty much bet a story like ABCs Celebrity Broken Hearts 2006 is going to interest us big time. Now, Katie is sympathetic with religious values, but, she has a big problem with celebrity culture obviously… the thing is… she always sugar-coats everything.

Not me.

These celebrities are scum. I can’t stand them. I love to see them broken-hearted, because, I don’t really think their emotions and love are real to begin with in many cases. Often, it’s just a bonfire of the vanities and self-induced pathological grossness for the cameras. Like when that asshole was jumping around on the couch on the Oprah Windbag Show. Really, is this a reasonable way for an adult to behave? Just, exactly, someone please tell me: Why on earth is this behavior acceptable?

Why are all of you morons so eager to suck the farts out of any celebrity asshole?

Really, why are you so fucking stupid?

And, this scientology nonsense….. Listen, these stupid, zero IQ scum actually think they know something! They actually think they’re intellectuals. Some of these assholes even think that their celebrity status makes them qualified to be political leaders. Stop the insanity!

Do you guys realize just how fucked-up America is getting? Fuck no you don’t. You’re too God damned worried about how white your teeth are and if your tits are big enough.

Does anybody else realize just how incredibly insane and fucking ridiculous everything has become! Really, do you get it?

These shit-for-brain celebrity jackasses with their Scientology horse shit!

Listen closely celebrity morons: You are not intellectuals!

Okay, you may be famous and you may have 500,000 times as much money as I do, but, God damn it you don’t have doctorates from ivy league schools, and, I want you to stop acting like you do. Now, in the case of the few celebrities who actually do have doctorates from the ivy schools, that does not apply to you.

Okay, it always feels good to speak the truth.

Okay, so, yes, I really enjoy a good article about celebrity broken hearts. I don’t consider their love to be real. I consider it mainly to be a form of pathological vanity which is difficult to characterize.

So, I was laughing into my Pepsi Cola with the year in review… Britney Spears and K Fed break-up and Britney’s subsequent self-destructing, pussy-flashing, trailer park trashin’ revolting glory… to Britney: you go girl! Just like we’ve pointed out here… the only thing left is the celebrity asshole slip…. they had already given up the nip slip, and, in 2006 they gave up the pussy slip, and, yep, only the asshole remains, and, I’m betting we see it in 2007, and, Katie will have a lot of commentary, but, I’ll just say, “We’re all going to hell and there ain’t no stopping it!”

Okay, some more fun celebrity misery in the form of white boy poseur extraordinaire “I’m so tough and hard” Marshall Mathers who goes by the very adult moniker Eminem. Um, first… how about we grow the fuck-up just a wee-wee bit and maybe act like a …um… big person? Hmmm? You know…. somebody that’s over five years of age? How does that sound Marshall.. um, you ain’t black either … you’re a lame ass white boy just like me… ‘kay G! And yo rhymes are wack beeetch! And, oh yeah, did that girl leave you again? Why? Ha Ha Ha!

Being famous and being rich does not qualify you to enter the realm of leaders, thinkers, artists, and intellectuals. Do you understand that? Well, that wasn’t really aimed at Marshall, as, I’m not sure he knows how to read.. let alone lead…

Okay, moving along…. Sir Paul McCartney and Heather Mills McCartney yapped they’re splitting. First of all, Paul… what’s up with this Sir shit? You ain’t no sir motherfucker. Or, if you are… then so am I! Sir Skippy to you beetches! Okay, this couple seems somewhat normal (with the exception of the sir shit), and, that just goes to show you… even sort of normal celebrities don’t have their shit together either. But, on a plus note, at least neither one of them yelled the n word in public!

As far as Reese Witherspoon and Ryan Phillippe …. could somebody tell me who they are? They must be some seriously minor league celebs!

As far as Pamela Anderson and Kid Rock… well, who cares? Kid’s another poseur extraordinaire ripping off black culture (and poorly at that); while Pam Anderson will be disappearing from the public spotlight within a matter of a few years. She got into the spotlight by shaking her conventionally pretty face and shaking her big tits around on Baywatch… well, sorry to say, but the girl’s starting to look old, and, once her looks go, she goes… besides she was always so typical and common anyway.

As far as Kate Hudson and Black Crowes rocker Chris Robinson … .um, Mr. Robinson looks like he ought to be a member of some cult that would scare the hell out of middle America. And, Kate Hudson… well, Kate’s beautiful and pleasant, so, nothing about her here…

As far as Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown … they both cool and the ABC piece felt obligated to throw one black couple in the mix, so, there you go…. yep, still choking on celebrity puke apple pie.

As far as Sara Evans and her nobody husband… well, Sara’s a wonderful singer, and, I’m a big fan. This story is so ugly though with all the adultery talk and internet porn… good luck though Sara…

Heather Locklear and Richie Sambora… um, who the fuck gives a shit? Heather who?

Charlie Sheen and Denise Richards… yeah, Charlie’s a real winner all right.

Sheryl Crow and Lance Armstrong… um, Sheryl, how about you act like an adult and write lyrics like a normal 40-year-old woman would write? Lance, how about you put your heinie on a bike seat and leave the celebrities alone, because, when it comes down to it, you’re not a celebrity… you’re really just more of a guy who can pedal really fast!

In summary, fuck you all and happy new year!

Love,
Skippy

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