Suri Sired By Scientology Chief
… ha ha… love that shit… it’s the claim made in Andrew Morton’s unauthorized biography!
So, you could put this in the gossip column, but, it is sort of plausible and engaging! You know.. in the dark back room, conspiracy theory sort of way. So, according to the book, douche extraordinaire, L. Ron Douchey, would be the baby daddy… oh, poor Suri if she got the head case of a con fuck as her papa…
Cruise is a short man Napoleon complex douchey and of course he’s got his fat wallet lawyer to try and stifle this.
Now, this shit gets so weird that I’m going to link and paste from the good bitter folk at Dlisted.
Suri Cruise was conceived using the frozen sperm of L. Ron Hubbard! Many fanatical Scientologists believe this. Morton compares it to Rosemary’s Baby “in which an unsuspecting young woman is impregnated with the Devil’s child”. Suri is the Alien Queen!
Tommy Girl is the #2 Scientology member in the world!
Tommy Girl has an extremely close relationship with Scientology leader, David Miscavige, and David even came to his honeymoon with Katie Holmes. GAY LOVERS!
When Tommy was falling in love with Nicole Kidman he told David he wanted to run through a field full of wild flowers with her. So David had his Scientology goons plant a field near Tommy’s home. He didn’t like it the first time, so he made them do it again. EXTRA GAY!
Nicole Kidman has kept her mouth shut, because she’s afraid her audit tape will be leaked. When you join Scientology they “audit” your ass and tape all your confessions. It’s mostly about your sex past and Nicole doesn’t want that getting out. LESBIAN!
When Tommy was dating Penny Cruz, her father was afraid of the cult known as Scientology, so he emailed an organization that helps dealing with cults.
Tommy’s next mission is to recruit David Beckham.
Man, this is such good stuff! Thanks Dlisted for summing this complicated shit so beautifully!
Technorati Tags: Suri, Tom Cruise, L. Ron Hubbard, daddy
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Posted: January 6th, 2008 under Celebrity Quick Takes, Sorto Bizarro.
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