Well, people that know me usually think of me as a tough man. And, although it’s a weird thing to say about yourself… I am a pretty tough sort of guy. Let’s just say I know what it feels like to be kicked in the head… repeatedly… and, I know what it feels like when a man’s tooth gives way under my knuckle.

Well, that’s sort of a disclaimer to what I want to talk about… how much I hate the Super Bowl. Although it seems to bring erections to many of my fellow citizens, it just sort of leaves my big guy limp and dangling. They think it pleasantly stirs up their inner violence, but, to me it’s just a bunch of wimpy bullshit. Take off the helmets and pads and let’s party! Man, those schoolgirls need to read about how the red man used to play lacrosse. Shit,give me a little UFC any day! For the pansy brigade out there (the majority of my readers), UFC stands for Ultimate Fighting Championship.

And, just the way my fellow Americans can’t handle the real deal when it comes to cock and pussy (preferring a titillating nip slip instead), they also can’t handle good, genuine violence… they need the subterfuge… thus you have nonsense like football.

And, I need people to think about this stuff through the lens of violence-fulfillment. Most of the sickos in the US of A need a bit of violence to get their rocks off… of course, nobody’s going to admit that…. and, that’s why a sport like football is so popular here… it’s violent… certainly… but, it’s not over the top violent, and, we can pretend that it’s just a good, clean competitive game.

Oh, you sick fucks! This is why I drink!

This sort of sick perversion of the violence-fulfillment-need is also reflected in the Super Bowl commercials. It boggles my ding dong how dumb fucks talk about how superb Super Bowl commercials are… Rarely have I seen more stupid shit. To begin with, the 2008 Super Bowl began with some incredibly weird and out-of-context intro where a bunch of athlete meatheads were like reciting lines from the fucking Declaration of Independence or something. Just what the fuck is that shit all about. Aren’t we supposed to be looking forward to a bunch of men colliding and a little cheerleader leg-kick, panty-pussy flashing?

I’m as patriotic as the next nut sack, but, really… just how did one thing get connected to the other?

The wonderful Super Bowl commercials that I’ve seen so far (it’s half time now) seemed to feature the suggested threat of violence against animals. There was the incredibly stupid Bud Light commercial in which the douche blew flames to impress the cunt and at the end apparently the cat’s hair was singed… okay with the suggestion of possibly burning a cat to death and getting your laugh line from that you sick fucks! Go to the psychologist office and get your head examined except the shrink’s also a know-nothing twat and stupider than the asshole in the chair!

Then there was the retarded commercial where the threat of animal violence was a car running over a screaming squirrel. HA HA HA. Oh, that’s just so (sarcasm) funny. How much did the Budweiser shit-for-brains marketers get paid for that work of genius? Then there was something (I was also mixing my martini) where birds were like crashing through a fucking window or something. Then they had the Budweiser horse pulling like a God damn train or some shit.

What the fuck is it about Americans and our perverse, fucked-up relationship with the natural world? Do you get your rocks off by the suggestion that an animal is going to get burned-up or run-over by a car?

I tell you…. the Bud Light team… what a bunch of absolutely uncreative twats. I just remembered their other commercial where the male friend twats smuggle beer into the wine-and-cheese party in rolls and so forth. Then the one twat says that he’s going on a “cheese run.” Oh, forgive me… I forgot to laugh. But, does anyone see that there’s also the promotion of drinking and driving? Obviously the twat already had been drinking his piss water (that would be Bud Light… try a Sam Adams or Bass twat… try a real beer) and then he was going driving. Wonderful Budweiser.

Then we get to see a horse pulling like a tractor trailer or something.

Then we have that old has-been Tom Petty for half time show. Granted, I sort of like him… but, God damn is this the best we can do? Are the Super Bowl Powers-That-Twat that damn scared to try to offer something a little fresh and dynamic. Now all the twats are rushing the field as has-been goes into American Girl.

I honestly hate all you fucks! I’m not just saying that. I mean it from the bottom of my hateful heart.

Stan Hammer