Celebrity Nip Slip Oops Ooops Oooops Bonanza!

It has been my experience that women generally have two breasts. The very word breast, of course, is a subtle and polite term that you cock-owners can frequently use without getting a slap on your tobacco-stained teeth. Other chauvinist scum have a broader vocabulary: boobs, tits, titties, titty boppers, hooters, honkers, jugs melons, headlights, and, my personal favorite, funbags. Our boobie fascination has indeed inspired such a vast mammarian lexicon that this alone is indicative of our uniquely American fascination. Why do I say uniquely American? I will get to that in a minute.

First, it’s important to establish the foundation. As I was saying, women generally have a couple of tits. If the woman is a celebrity, she, too, is likely to have a couple tits (and, quite likely a pussy too…but, that’s the topic for another article.) Anyway, as the cliche goes, a picture’s worth a thousand words, and, I want us all to be on the same page before venturing into harcore celebrity nip slip analysis. We’re talking about these badboys:

Now, the pair above in the black-and-white striped bikini top is considered to be a pretty good specimen: good size, curvature, firmness. A picture like this could be–and is–used all of the time in various beer commercials and billboards (and masturbation fantasies.) The right nipple is protruding through the bikini top in an alluring manner, and, it is covered; so, this could fly just fine in mainstream media, and, you know, it reminds of the cheerleaders we see on the sidelines of our sporting events on tv.

Okay, let’s push the envelope a tiny bit now:

You see, this is where we really start having fun. At first glance, this looks acceptable. Look a bit closer. Notice her right nipple slightly poking out: see the darker circle of the aureole. Hmmm, just a little hop skip from this shot (same girl):

And, with her nipples half-exposed as they are… this would not be acceptable on an American billboard at this stage in the game (2006).

Now, just to make sure we’re still all together now… what we’re talking about here is female breasts:

And, more specifically female nipples:

Now, it hasn’t been my intention to sound like a condescending cunt in this article. I’m just trying to have some fun with you, and, this tone fits because this whole topic is, as I said, so uniquely American and so darn insane… this whole issue about whether the nipple (nip) can be seen, and, how offensive our great country has made the nipple. The nipple has been villified. The nipple is almost a terrorist. No? Well, it creates hysteria. You all remember the Janet Jackson Superbowl nip fiasco! Well, Nipplegate kicked open hell’s
gates and some 200,000 people complained to the network. That’s right. During the midst of the general violent subtext of a professional football game, with cheerleaders kicking their legs and flashing their pussy panties left and right; if somebody thinks they see an actual nipple, you’d think the world was coming to an end! That’s right 1/5 of a million people had a problem with this! Oh, behold the nipple! That little thing looks so delightful and harmless, but, oh what trouble that little guy can cause!

So, you know, it’s pretty clear that most women have breasts, and most breasts have nipples; now, granted, as seen below, the actual nipple can come in various sizes… true… but, what can’t be disputed is that we, Americans, have a particular breast and nipple fasicnation, and, in addition, as you already know… and, as you can see from reading the other articles on this site; we Americans also have a considerable celebrity fascination. Well, you combine these two fascinations: (1.) celebrities and (2.) nipples; and, man, oh man, you’re getting into some really crazy and nutty terrain… the whole Celebrity Nip Slip Oops Ooops Oooops Bonanza.

Read Celebrity Nip Slip Part 2.

Technorati Tags: celebrity, celebrities, nipples, nip, celebrity nip slip, breast, boob, sociology, actress, movie star, Hollywood

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