How Hollywood Heinies Spread Much Unhappiness! Part 2
+ Skippy’s 5 Favorite Celebrity Asses
Okay, so I asked Skippy to send me some pictures of his favorite Hollywood celebrity asses. I thought this would be an interesting experiment to get the male point of view on this, and, as mentioned, I have some interest and sensitivity concerning this as I am going for a doctorate in Feminist Studies and, you know, as mentioned, my ex-husband hurt my feelings quite thoroughly when he said my heinie was too narrow.
I really want to understand this issue and so many issues of Hollywood culture and feminism, and, I also want to let women know LOUD AND CLEAR that it’s okay to have a fat heinie or a skinny heinie and that it’s just such a small portion of the female world that has luscious and deliciously curvy perfect asses. But, the billboards are shoving Brittany Murphy’s heinie in our face all the damn time, and, we start to think there’s something wrong with us. Wrong! It’s the whole Hollywood celebrity culture, and, I’m going to get more into the body image destruction and aesthetic implications in other posts, but, for now, I’m just putting down the foundation.
So, with Skippy, I could get the male perspective. Now, there has been considerable controversy about Skippy from my fellow classmates. Some think he’s a queer, but, Marissa (with the bouncy tits) says that Skippy is always staring at her big jugs, so, most students are concluding that Skippy is trying to score a little feminist pussy. Well, good luck with that Skippy, I suppose, but, I think you would be better off waiting until you got married to a nice girl. Anyway, Skippy the possible queer is in the Feminist Studies program staring at Marissa’s huge tits, and, I wanted to get his perspective on celebrity asses, so, I said, Skippy send me a few pictures of your all-time absolute favorite movie star asses. Well, this is what I got from him. (and it’s quite revealing!)
Well, I’m having second thoughts now, because, truth is, this douchebag sent me some pics of porno star asses and in one case just unknown bitches on the beach. Hmmm. I’ll have to think this over.
Okay, I’m back. Let me just get this over with already. I do think it’s important to get a candid male perspective on the best celebrity asses, but, at the moment all I’ve got to work with is Skippy, and, although he’s also studing for a doctorate (Cultural Studies), he does have the tendency to have jello brain when female asses and tits are involved, and, as you’ll see, sometimes this can even give him jello brain when remembering that the request was for “5 Best Celebrity Asses.” Seems like if we’re talking about fine female ass, Skippy … well, let me just show you what the five photos he sent me.
Best Celebrity Ass #1: Bikini Contest
Okay, as you can see, Skippy fucked this one up on a few levels. One, this is just a bunch of bikini bimbos in some contest at the beach. The idea was for these to be pictures of single (one) celebrity, and, these aren’t celebrities; nor are they one… proving my point about the male jello brain when you get their cocks involved. Let’s take a look at the second one:
Best Celebrity Ass #2
Okay, once again we see about the jello brain as these appear to be two random beach bitches; but, much to my delight, the one on the right with the black bikini bottom, well… she actually has a narrow ass, and, I’m tempted to give Skippy a hug for that alone… you may recall that my ex-husband insulted me by calling me “Narrow Heinie,” and, you know, that just wasn’t very nice. It doesn’t really matter if a girl’s got a brain and studying for a doctorate… that type of remark really hurts. Especially since I bought Victoria Secret’s thongs to try and spark his libido and so forth… and, besides, what did he want? a fat ass? and, that’s the whole thing that I can’t understand… a lot of guys want a girl to have a fat ass! More cushion for the pushin’ I overheard a guy at the garage say… go figure…. Okay, let’s see Skippy’s third selection:
Celebrity Ass #3: Cameron Diaz
Okay, at least this one I can understand. She is a celebrity: Cameron Diaz. And, she does have a shapely butt.
Celebrity Ass #4: Sofia Vergara
Okay, once again, this is a mostly understandable pick. Sofia Vergara does have an ass that’s absolutely out of this world. I’m basically a hetero girl with some tiny lesbo leanings, and, I’ll tell you, Sofia gets me tingling downstairs! Yummy! Now, that having been said, Sofia’s not the most major celebrity in the world… it seems she’s only mostly done some Spanish TV like Rodney, Eve, A que no te atreves, etc. But, just look at the curvature on that thing. I know you jerk-offs imagine getting Sofia on her belly and your filthy paws on those luscious pillows, but, then the alarm clock rang….
Celebrity Ass #5: Nikki Benz
Okay, I ain’t going to lie: Nikki Benz has the type of ass that takes your breath away. I mean, look at those beautiful formations of fleshy goodness snuggled beneath the most coquettish of black skirts, and, WOW! what the hell more can you say! And, I’m really glad that Skippy picked this one, because it will nicely set-up another article that I’m working on which discusses the relation of pornography with celebrity in mainstream culture… and, this also in respect to the numerous different flavors of feminism that exist in our 2006 academia market.
Believe me, this is a rich, rich topic for conversation, and, since the emergence of porn celebrity Jenna Jameson, we’ve seen a big shift in attitude and perception. It’s actually become chic for certain mainstream male celebrities (in particular celebrity rockers… but, not exclusively) to mix and mingle with the female fuck machines… I mean celebrity porn stars! Oh, yes, we’re all going to hell… make no mistake ….
Yours In Christ,
Katie Witherspoon
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