This is about the Jersey Shore oinker that goes by Snooki. The no-talent, fatso Polizzi is a good example of what gets Katie so worked-up. I swear I’m beginning to understand that white girl better…and that scares me a bit. What gets her pissed is how no-talent people can slip their way into the celebrity, elite class. Now, she has criticisms of all aspects of American fame, but I understand why the focus of disgust is on this particular aspect.

It’s one thing if someone has some real, genuine talent that sets her apart… such as someone who can sing, dance, act, or is damn good looking. Yea, at least if they get fame, you can say that there’s a legit basis for the spotlights. And, I do understand the problems with that more legitimate type of fame. The good Lord knows I’ve heard Katie lecture enough times about how our American celebrity ideal comes to be associated with eating disorders etc. She’s always telling me to think sociologically: which is just a way to say think about how the world affects a person. And, I’ll be damned but I guess I’m learning something in community college! And, Katie says I should now give full disclosure: Katie’s helping me to write this, so you may notice that my grammar, syntax, and cognitive expression is less ghetto than usual.

See, I still got my humor. But, back to Snooki. One asks himself: “What is the basis of fame for pinheads like Snooki, Paris Hilton, Kim Kardashian, et. al.?”

I’m sorry but the pathway is basically some vapid, reality television: generally vulgar, video footage piped into the homes of every blockhead from sea to rancid sea. And, that’s often followed up with a sex tape. And, then you get your Wikipedia article and frequent mentions on news sites, tv, celebrity blogs, etc.

But, it comes back to the question: What is the basis for the fame?

And, the question is now answered. The basis for the fame is simply being put into a context (eg. tv) which makes you famous. And, the question sort of repeats now with a slight twist: What is the basis for being put into the context which makes one famous?

And, it would appear to be a combination of cheap sexuality and American-style vulgarity. And, why are these qualities the basis rather than other qualities (such as talent, altruism, interestingness, intellectualism, etc.)?

That’s because the American public simply cannot get its fill of cheap sexuality and vulgarity. While that may sound unkind, I’m not here to lie to you folks. And, if you think I’m wrong, go ahead and leave a comment. I don’t know what happened because there was a time when ya’ll left comments left and right, but that doesn’t happen as much.

I have a theory though: Katie’s writings are just too damned complicated. She’s always been an academic, but she used to be better at writing in an accessible way. I don’t know what happened to her, but she just doesn’t care. I did actually ask her in a roundabout way, and she said, “I have to be me. And, the real me is not a being that can relate to the masses.”

While I appreciate white girl being honest, and I appreciate her self-awareness of her species being, I do think that this type of elitism can be counterproductive because you should want to express yourself to your fellow humans in a way that can be understood.

Now Katie’s arguing with me. I guess the funny part about this whole thing is she’s helping me write this very article, so I’m telling her what my thoughts are, and she’s telling me how to phrase it, and she’s like, “Comma here, semicolon there, what!, I’m not really like that!, etc.”

Anyway, Katie’s got her own obsessions about conceptual celebrity…she’s mainly interested in it when you treat celebrity as a conceptual institution, and you think about how (sometimes abstract) it affects people. And, that’s a worthwhile and somewhat mysterious aspect.

As for me, I’m interested in the WHY behind the public’s interest in celebrity and fame. I didn’t even realize it until she told me, but my basic inclinations are those of a philosopher. I want to ask the WHY questions: the type of questions that really can’t be answered. For example, it was me who gave Katie the idea for her latest article.

Yep, it was me. She was drunk and talking to me about how all these celebrity sex movies and parodies affected people. She was going on and on about how it leads to unmeetable expectations, eating disorder, body dysmorphia, obsessive compulsive disorder, and sexual dysfunction. I said, “Yea, but why do people want them in the first place!”

And, that gave her the idea. Because I want to know the WHY, while lesser minds want to know the HOW. And, that inspired her to write the recent article about why people want the movies, pictures, etc.

But, there appears to be a parodoxical relationship. Or maybe we could just call it reflexive: and which comes first?

1. Celebrity and what goes with it projects an unrealistic fantasy that people then desire and internalize but can’t obtain.
2. People’s desire for escapism and fantasy leads Hollywood to produce the content so people can consume the desired, celebrity-generated fantasy.

But, is there an order of actual causation? Is Hollywood meeting the preexisting demand? Or is Hollywood creating the demand and then meeting it. Or is there an intricate, forever unfolding dialectical-type of relationship in which both things naturally unfold together, symbiotically, continually feeding off each other and reinforcing each other? That seems more plausible to me.

Anyway, back to Snooki. Like I said, I’m not that interested in the HOW of Snooki. Besides, I think it was addressed above HOW a no-talent figure like Snooki (or Paris, Kim, et. al.) achieves celebrity status. I want to know the WHY of Snooki.

For instance, WHY does the public even care if this zero-talent, unattractive, uncultured female is pregnant? That’s a great philosophical question from my point of view. And, we return to the other dilemma. Is Hollywood fulfilling a natural desire for escapism… or is Hollywood creating the desire? (This is presuming, for the moment, that escapism is the factor…which does seem reasonable…even if, likely, there are multiple factors.)

See, I say that it’s Hollywood that’s creating the fodder, but feeding a normal desire. Because I don’t think it’s natural to sit around wondering if repugnant Snooki is fat, pregnant… or what Snooki’s so-called big announcement is… or what type of vapid bullshit she’s expounding upon with her ever-so-unimportant Twitter feed. Again, why does anybody care what’s in Snooki’s twitter feed?

It’s not natural to be obsessed with this sort of nonsense. But, it is natural to desire escape from reality! This is clearly evident from the world’s history: from alcohol, drugs, religion to occupation. A certain segment of people have always sought escape. These days that desire can be filled by Snooki. But, what happened to the good old days when people just smoked a joint or drank a liter of vodka?

The folks who didn’t like our truth killed our advertising accounts and so forth…but, guess what. It’s not about the money over here. It’s about the truth. It’s about exposing how our American celebrity culture is dragging the world down into a morass of the evil and inane. It’s not a joke. And, it’s not a novelty. And, you can’t get rid of us.

So, somebody didn’t like our truth and they went around complaining to our advertisers. And, most of them backed-out. But, see…here’s the thing.

WE’RE STILL RANKING FOR YOUR NAMES! And, you know, maybe next time people will think twice about glibly brushing aside viscous anti-Chinese humor. No, the rest of the media may have moved on; but, we still don’t find anything “funny” about degrading a billion people with your Ching Chong antics!

And, you know why? Because we’ve got youth and truth on our sides…and, one little teensy weensy inconvenience for you:

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

Yea. We’re back. Sure, Katie’s an alcoholic, Holy Roller and I’m a nobody bartender and LaTosha’s just a black girl going through another divorce. Yea. I know that’s how the world looks at us. But, wake up call Hollywood. Somebody’s going to put some truth down!

Celebrity Satan REBORN!