This is about the Jersey Shore oinker that goes by Snooki. The no-talent, fatso Polizzi is a good example of what gets Katie so worked-up. I swear I’m beginning to understand that white girl better…and that scares me a bit. What gets her pissed is how no-talent people can slip their way into the celebrity, elite class. Now, she has criticisms of all aspects of American fame, but I understand why the focus of disgust is on this particular aspect.

It’s one thing if someone has some real, genuine talent that sets her apart… such as someone who can sing, dance, act, or is damn good looking. Yea, at least if they get fame, you can say that there’s a legit basis for the spotlights. And, I do understand the problems with that more legitimate type of fame. The good Lord knows I’ve heard Katie lecture enough times about how our American celebrity ideal comes to be associated with eating disorders etc. She’s always telling me to think sociologically: which is just a way to say think about how the world affects a person. And, I’ll be damned but I guess I’m learning something in community college! And, Katie says I should now give full disclosure: Katie’s helping me to write this, so you may notice that my grammar, syntax, and cognitive expression is less ghetto than usual.

See, I still got my humor. But, back to Snooki. One asks himself: “What is the basis of fame for pinheads like Snooki, Paris Hilton, Kim Kardashian, et. al.?”

I’m sorry but the pathway is basically some vapid, reality television: generally vulgar, video footage piped into the homes of every blockhead from sea to rancid sea. And, that’s often followed up with a sex tape. And, then you get your Wikipedia article and frequent mentions on news sites, tv, celebrity blogs, etc.

But, it comes back to the question: What is the basis for the fame?

And, the question is now answered. The basis for the fame is simply being put into a context (eg. tv) which makes you famous. And, the question sort of repeats now with a slight twist: What is the basis for being put into the context which makes one famous?

And, it would appear to be a combination of cheap sexuality and American-style vulgarity. And, why are these qualities the basis rather than other qualities (such as talent, altruism, interestingness, intellectualism, etc.)?

That’s because the American public simply cannot get its fill of cheap sexuality and vulgarity. While that may sound unkind, I’m not here to lie to you folks. And, if you think I’m wrong, go ahead and leave a comment. I don’t know what happened because there was a time when ya’ll left comments left and right, but that doesn’t happen as much.

I have a theory though: Katie’s writings are just too damned complicated. She’s always been an academic, but she used to be better at writing in an accessible way. I don’t know what happened to her, but she just doesn’t care. I did actually ask her in a roundabout way, and she said, “I have to be me. And, the real me is not a being that can relate to the masses.”

While I appreciate white girl being honest, and I appreciate her self-awareness of her species being, I do think that this type of elitism can be counterproductive because you should want to express yourself to your fellow humans in a way that can be understood.

Now Katie’s arguing with me. I guess the funny part about this whole thing is she’s helping me write this very article, so I’m telling her what my thoughts are, and she’s telling me how to phrase it, and she’s like, “Comma here, semicolon there, what!, I’m not really like that!, etc.”

Anyway, Katie’s got her own obsessions about conceptual celebrity…she’s mainly interested in it when you treat celebrity as a conceptual institution, and you think about how (sometimes abstract) it affects people. And, that’s a worthwhile and somewhat mysterious aspect.

As for me, I’m interested in the WHY behind the public’s interest in celebrity and fame. I didn’t even realize it until she told me, but my basic inclinations are those of a philosopher. I want to ask the WHY questions: the type of questions that really can’t be answered. For example, it was me who gave Katie the idea for her latest article.

Yep, it was me. She was drunk and talking to me about how all these celebrity sex movies and parodies affected people. She was going on and on about how it leads to unmeetable expectations, eating disorder, body dysmorphia, obsessive compulsive disorder, and sexual dysfunction. I said, “Yea, but why do people want them in the first place!”

And, that gave her the idea. Because I want to know the WHY, while lesser minds want to know the HOW. And, that inspired her to write the recent article about why people want the movies, pictures, etc.

But, there appears to be a parodoxical relationship. Or maybe we could just call it reflexive: and which comes first?

1. Celebrity and what goes with it projects an unrealistic fantasy that people then desire and internalize but can’t obtain.
2. People’s desire for escapism and fantasy leads Hollywood to produce the content so people can consume the desired, celebrity-generated fantasy.

But, is there an order of actual causation? Is Hollywood meeting the preexisting demand? Or is Hollywood creating the demand and then meeting it. Or is there an intricate, forever unfolding dialectical-type of relationship in which both things naturally unfold together, symbiotically, continually feeding off each other and reinforcing each other? That seems more plausible to me.

Anyway, back to Snooki. Like I said, I’m not that interested in the HOW of Snooki. Besides, I think it was addressed above HOW a no-talent figure like Snooki (or Paris, Kim, et. al.) achieves celebrity status. I want to know the WHY of Snooki.

For instance, WHY does the public even care if this zero-talent, unattractive, uncultured female is pregnant? That’s a great philosophical question from my point of view. And, we return to the other dilemma. Is Hollywood fulfilling a natural desire for escapism… or is Hollywood creating the desire? (This is presuming, for the moment, that escapism is the factor…which does seem reasonable…even if, likely, there are multiple factors.)

See, I say that it’s Hollywood that’s creating the fodder, but feeding a normal desire. Because I don’t think it’s natural to sit around wondering if repugnant Snooki is fat, pregnant… or what Snooki’s so-called big announcement is… or what type of vapid bullshit she’s expounding upon with her ever-so-unimportant Twitter feed. Again, why does anybody care what’s in Snooki’s twitter feed?

It’s not natural to be obsessed with this sort of nonsense. But, it is natural to desire escape from reality! This is clearly evident from the world’s history: from alcohol, drugs, religion to occupation. A certain segment of people have always sought escape. These days that desire can be filled by Snooki. But, what happened to the good old days when people just smoked a joint or drank a liter of vodka?

However, there are a few pages that I’d like to see get a bit more attention…simply because, the truth is, they’re extremely original, well written, and educational. I wrote these pages myself, and I put in probably over a hundred hours of research. So, what pages am I talking about?

History of Hollywood part 1: on this page you’ll find scathing analysis of Hollywood’s very beginnings, covering Cahuenga Valley, Hollywood Indians, Chumash, Griffith Park, etc.

History of Hollywood part 2: Here I cover Spain meets California, California joining the union, Harvey and Daeida Wilcox, etc.

History of Hollywood part 3: analysis of early religion in the region, early Hollywood capitalist figures, Krotona Colony, Thomas Edison, and the birth of celebrity.

History of Hollywood part 4: Discussion of Carl Laemmle And Universal Film, Charlie Chaplin, D.W. Griffith, United Artists, The Four Brothers Warner, Paramount, expansion, World War II, cold war, modernization, and analysis.

I thought it was important to set up the site in this way, because I felt (and still believe) that historical analysis was necessary for a contextual background while providing contemporary critique of nip slips, celebrity sex tapes, and the deleterious beauty aesthetic promulgated by such things as the idealized Hollywood ass. But, like I’m saying…these things are best understood while considering the history of southern California. And, my general thesis concerns the relationship between contemporary issues of eating disorders, body dysmorphia, and certain aspects of OCD.

Many don’t understand that these things are actually manifestations of mental illness, and it’s important to consider their complete ontology. So, this site started like six years ago, and I felt like it would be good to put forth a refreshed type of mission statement. You may notice that it’s not much different from the original intent. Those who have been with us since the beginning… through the ups and downs… and there are a lot of you!!! I just want to extend a sincere thank you! Here’s to six more years of Celebrity Satan.

Yours truly,
Katie

Skinny-ass white girl on her way to being a phD doctor and shit and she had Jesus and dopey beeotch gotta start hitting the Absolut and getting funky with Satan and shit and dropping out of school. What the fuck wrong with white girl?

Anyway, drunk ass say let’s get the website going again I’m bored and drunk and I like to type when I’m drunk about how much I hate celebritities. I say, “Yea, true…but you used to get all intellectual and shit about like anorexia and fame and Hollywood and Michael Richards yelling nigger and like Mel Gibson and Jessica Simpson pussy and OJ Simpson the dumb black motha had to go run off with a white girl. That just the sort of cracker ass black boy we don’t need representing!

Let me get a Hell yea for my homeboy Barak Obama while I’m at it ya’ll. Oh, yea, that beautiful baby gonna be runnin’ whitey land! To think of all the whiteys that voted for him! DAMN! Well, I guess when whitey going broke ya know.

Ah, shit, well the one thing I still got in common with Katie, though, is my angry towards all this celebrity bullshit.

Here’s some celebrity bullfuck that this black girl think stupid:

1. Why Tom Cruise dragging that little baby girl all over the place. Damn, poor Suri. She shouldn’t be in front of no cameras and shit. And, little boy Tommy the short little boy gotta try increase cock length or something by showing world he a big man who can have a daughter and shit. Shit, white boy… you a half-assed, piece of shit no talent top gun crappy actor minority report mothafucka! and shit! You ain’t got talent you little risky business ass LOSER! Damn, put that baby o’ yours away and do something besides that weird-ass voodoo religion scientology weird ass shit celebrity mothafuck weird ass!

2. Anna Wintour fucking celebrity Vogue magazine bullshit looking like some aristocratic mothafuckin’ wannabe and shit… fur coat and shit… phoney bolognie shit!

3. Keri Russell Felicity and shit gonna take all them pictures with all the makeup under her eyes looking like a strung out junkie and shit. Damn girl. You got money! You got yo’ celebrity dollars. Use that shit to go to the hairdress and eat some mothafuckin’ spaghettio skinny white girl!

4. Clay Aiken, fuckin’ gay mothafucka brought his white ass out the closet but he gotta try and have all sort of attitude and shit… what the fuck up with that shit. Mothafucka you gay…that cool… no one care…just go off and do your gay shit and quit acting like some primma donna and shit!

5. Shakira… bitch think she only the bitch on the planet who got an ass. Way bitch be shakin’ that big ole thing enough to scare this black girl!

This is shit I find stupid.
Celebrity Satan
Start linking to us again mothafuckas we back so just get out that html or whatever fuckin’ thing and do the thing with a link at us! Yea, we back!

The folks who didn’t like our truth killed our advertising accounts and so forth…but, guess what. It’s not about the money over here. It’s about the truth. It’s about exposing how our American celebrity culture is dragging the world down into a morass of the evil and inane. It’s not a joke. And, it’s not a novelty. And, you can’t get rid of us.

So, somebody didn’t like our truth and they went around complaining to our advertisers. And, most of them backed-out. But, see…here’s the thing.

WE’RE STILL RANKING FOR YOUR NAMES! And, you know, maybe next time people will think twice about glibly brushing aside viscous anti-Chinese humor. No, the rest of the media may have moved on; but, we still don’t find anything “funny” about degrading a billion people with your Ching Chong antics!

And, you know why? Because we’ve got youth and truth on our sides…and, one little teensy weensy inconvenience for you:

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

Yea. We’re back. Sure, Katie’s an alcoholic, Holy Roller and I’m a nobody bartender and LaTosha’s just a black girl going through another divorce. Yea. I know that’s how the world looks at us. But, wake up call Hollywood. Somebody’s going to put some truth down!

Celebrity Satan REBORN!